When All Was Lost

Like all my friends know, I had literally lost my will to continue my pursuit of Christ. I lost the only woman I thought would never hurt me, and the best job I've ever had, all within 4 months. I got so depressed I publicly denounced my faith. Funny how when I asked people to STOP praying for me they did the exact opposite.

I got a word for David McNabb the other day. He told me about Pastor Dino's word about 16 years ago he was in pure darkness like me. He told God that if He didn't come in and do something he would walk away forever. God spoke to him and asked how he could trust Him when things were going smooth and not trust Him when he was in the dark. 16 years later, Pastor Dino is the leading pastor of the most amazing church in the world.

I realized then that if I truly believed in my promise would she really want someone struggling with their faith, or someone completely devoted. Also, how can I even think about the other promises I've received about my future and being a missionary if I can't even trust God with love?

I'm completely unemployeed, still heartbroken (slowly getting over it), and now backed up on bills. But, I'm FINALLY!!!!!!!!!!!! at piece! I'm where God wants me, and that's all that matters. When I gave my life to God 10 years ago, I promised to give Him everything. I don't care anymore about if I'm going to lose my new car, my home, etc., because I've realized I got these things to begin with BECAUSE of God's mercy and grace. If I have to lose everything in order to show the world God's glory I will. If I have to live a life like Paul, I will.

As for her, I found it a lot easier to stop missing her when I start praying for her and giving her to Him. Sorry girl...I'm forgetting you, like you did to me.