Times of Struggle = Times of Trust

Well, the past few weeks have been a struggle for me. Not only spiritually, but financially and everything in between. Driving back from Seqouia Sunday night I was talking with God and I realized some things. I hate my job, Bakersfield, and my passions are not being fulfilled. I was driving away from something I loved, the outdoors with camping, hiking & flyfishing, and driving towards a life I sometimes feel is meaningless right now. I realized I was frustrated with life, and not being where I wanted to be. I started telling Abba about how it wasn't fair that all of my missionary friends were in the mission fields, and I'm 'stuck' in a town I can't stand.

I remember exactly what I said to God.

Why do I have to be in this stupid town, in this stupid preparation time that is lasting years, while all of my friend's prep times were short, and they were exactly where they wanted to be?

God was silent for only a second. He then started putting men of the bible in my thoughts that had to wait YEARS before they even started their ministry. David had to wait at least 13 years from the time he was told he was going to be Israel's king as a young man until he was crowded. Moses was 80 when he started his mission of leading the Israelites out of Egypt. Even Jesus waited until he was 30 before he started his ministry. God reminded me that with a great calling, there's a great preparation time.

When I got home Sunday the brakes on the Limiero's car were squeaking, and the MP3 tape device got stuck in the tape player. I took the player apart and removed the tape, but the tape function doesn't work any more. Yesterday I lost my personal keys at work. I couldn't remember where I had them last. I had traveled all over San Joaquin valley for work. I ended up traveling back to Midway and Kern River, but still couldn't find them. On my drive back from Midway at 9pm I got so angry with myself. My past was full of drug and alcohol use, and my memory suffered from it. I tend to forget the small things, nothing important.

I hated myself so much for losing my keys and not being able to remember the last time I had them. It's quite frustrating indeed. I've been praying for years for God to restore my memory, but it hasn't happened yet. I forced myself to abandon that hatred last night and I just let it go to God. Peace fell over, and I just stopped stressing over my keys. Jonathan is out of time, and therefore I had no way into my apartment, and I had to leave the Limiero's car in the Chevron HQ parking lot. I drove my work vehicle home, and was able to get a hold of my landlord and she gave me a spare key to get into the apartment. This morning I emailed a person at Midway to see if they found my keys, and sure enough, she had them on her desk.

The chapter I'm in right now has been a struggle on many battle fronts. I've learned that if I just TRUST God I will never fall. Pslams 37 is a good reminder of how the righteous will never be forgotten by God. He's teaching me trust, and I'm hardheaded, so this may take some time :P