My Supplier, My Desire

The time came for my finances for DTS to be due. I was still short about $1500USD, and I had exhausted all my options (or so I thought). The finances were due 8 days ago (Friday November 14) at midnight. I went into intercessory prayer at 7pm that night, and the next thing I knew it was 10:30pm. Having being exhausted, and burned out from praying, fasting, and worshiping, I decided to head to bed. At about 11:30pm Josh, head DTS leader, called me to let me know all my finances had come in.

While worshiping God had spoken to me about my finances. He asked me if I was willing to give up the rest of my earthly belongings (MAC, iPod, iPhone, Nintendo DS). I fought the idea for a while, but finally called Josh and asked him to send out a base-wide YWAM email telling everybody my MAC and iPhone were up for sale. I got a phone call later from Josh telling me Dane Myers was interested in buying my MAC, and that he and his wife were in the process of praying about it. I hung up the phone and broke down. I cried out to God for guidance and comfort. They never called back.

I now know that God was testing me. I promised to give up everything on His command to follow Him. He wasn't doing it to see what I would do. He already knew what I would do. But it was a test for me. It showed me exactly where my priorities were, and it was such an exciting moment. I am who I say I am. I'm a follower of Christ. One that doesn't put anything in front of God. One that gets humbled every day by the grace of God. I'm forever changed, and the enemy will never take my faith away...

Truly Giving Everything

God has been really moving in my life since I decided to trust in Him with my finances (read previous blog). To be honest, I prayed a really dangerous prayer that caused me to not realize that when I told God I was willing to give up every He would do it. Wednesday night, the charger to my Mac overheated and it completely stopped working. Therefore, I couldn't charge/use my computer. And of course, this happens after I release all my finances to God. Thursday I was able to get the charger to charge the computer fully, but I tried to recharge it after class and it wouldn't.

Friday morning I woke up so mad at God that I skipped my quiet-time. We had worship at the DTS classroom at 9:30, and I went just wanting to get it over with. The very first song started, and I broke down. I honestly didn't realize I was being bitter towards God until that point. I realized then that God was testing me if I was truly willing to give up EVERYTHING to follow Him. I cried, and cried, and cried, confessed my sins, cried some more, and confessed even more.

Conviction is such a powerful tool, and oh such a blessing from God. I officially gave it all to God Friday morning, not even longing for God to replace anything in my life physically. While sitting at my home during lunch Friday afternoon Janet (fellow DTS student from Taiwan) came up to me and handed me money to buy a new charger. I just couldn't believe it. She told me that God showed her that I was spending too much time on my computer when I should be spending it growing in His Word. God told her it was a message from Him to not only be joyful when He gives and takes away, but be longing to seek Him first and foremost.

I'm so glad I decided to listen to God, instead of man, take a leap of faith, even if I didn't have all the finances for DTS, and give up everything to follow HIM and come to DTS in Taiwan. I've learned so much about God (His character, love, mercy, grace, wrath, holiness, etc), myself (faith, beliefs, etc), and the world (biblical world view) in these 8 short weeks than I have ever learned going to church, reading the bible, or going to small group. God Bless Taiwan, YWAM, And DTS!!!!!!

Laying It ALL On The Altar

First came the house, the car, and friends/family. I thought I gave up everything to come to Taiwan to grow closer to God through DTS, but nothing could of prepared me for what happened two days ago. I woke up with the desire to give financially to YWAM. I wasn't sure how much at the time, but after going to the Lord in prayer, He clearly stated 'EVERYTHING'.

So, I opened my dresser and pulled out the perfectly rolled up NT (New Taiwanese) bills, and walked up to Josh, DTS leader. I told him:

If I'm going to trust God in my ministry as a missionary, I need to trust Him in every part of my life. This includes my finances. Here's every bit of money I possess in this world, and I'm trusting He'll provide all my needs. I've relied on myself and man for far too long, and if I want to reach the next step in my life as a missionary I need to trust Him with all my decisions AND finances.

To be honest, this was the hardest decision I've ever had to do so far in short lived life. Since I had to grow up fast, being in the Foster Care system for pretty much my entire childhood, I had to work for everything I wanted for myself. I never had support, or a place to run to when things got rough. Even when I did finally make that important decision to follow Christ Jesus I didn't know I could trust Him for a long time.

When I handed the money to Josh, I almost broke down. I could believe I was trusting God for EVERYTHING. I still had a couple hundred NT in my wallet that I longed to keep for food, but while in class God convicted me. God asked me if I was willing to trust Him 100% or just simply 95%. So, after class I pulled the last bit of money I had in my wallet, including all the change, and gave it to Josh.

I'm not sharing this because I believe I have greater faith than the next person. I knew deep down I didn't trust God enough, and because of this reality I knew I had to step up to the plate. I know the path is going to be rough because of this decision, but I honestly have peace, and nothing can take that away.