Lecrae - Church Clothes

This is the new single from Lecrae's new album, Church Clothes. Grab it for free here - FREE

MEANING TO THE SONG:
This is what people generally feed into their minds. They believe that there are no "real churches" or "real saints, etc" that "Don't think they're better than you" when actually, there are. There are plenty of real people out there who follow Christ by loving and NOT judging. Just because you haven't seen them doesn't mean they don't exist. If you go to a church that you don't feel comfortable, then go to another one until you find one that fits you. Everyone is different and needs a different connection.

People believe that following Christ will mean a "life change," as if they would have to give up everything they love and live in a hole. So they typically seek reasons to not follow Christ so they can feel at ease about themselves.

LYRICS:
One time for H time
One time for D time
One time A time, M time
Yea
R.I.P. to Medgar Evers, R.I.P. to Dr. King
I ain't tryna' hate on my own kind
But Al and Jesse don't speak for me
I'm probably gon' catch some flack man
But I'm-a swallow this pill like Pacman
Some of these folks won't tell the truth
Too busy try'na get them racks man
Church try'na rob my paychecks
Choir members probably having gay sex
Pastor manipulatin' hurtin' women
I wonder which he's gon' slay next
Bookstore pimpin' them hope books
Like God don't know how broke looks
And telling me that I'm gon' reap a meal
If I sow into these low crooks
Plus I know ol' girl a freak
And how she singin' a solo
I walked in the church wit a snapback
And they tellin' me that that's a "no-no"?
That's backwards, and I lack words
For these actors called pastors
All these folks is hypocrites
And that's why I ain't at church
Truthfully I'm just doin' me
And I don't wanna face no scrutiny
As long as the church keep wildin' out
I can justify all my foolish deeds
Smoking weed, pourin' up
Keep that lean up in my cup
Maybe I could change the world
But this porn on my laptop got me stuck
Yeah I know what's right from wrong
But that there ain't gon sell a song
I rather sell my soul then save it
If that's what make my money long
It better not be no real God
With real hope, that heals hearts
That shows me that I ain't livin' up
To all the things that He put me here for
It better not be no real church
Real saints, who pray hard
And let me rock my snapback
With the 501's and the J's on
It better not be no real folk
Who don't think that they better than you
Straight or gay, drunk and high
They walk through the cold and weather wit' 'chu
'Nah we don't wanna see that
Cause that might mean "life change"
That might mean I'm worth more than money, cars, sex, and pipe dreams
Better not be no real Jesus, real forgiveness, for hurt folks
If God gon' take me as I am I guess I already got on my church clothes

Set Free Indeed

Several biological studies have shown that a frog placed in a container along with water from his pond, he will remain alive while you heat the water. The toad does not react to the gradual increase of temperature (change of environment) and only dies when the water boils, swollen and happy. On the other hand, if a toad is thrown into that same container when the water is already boiling, he will immediately jump out. He will be a little singed, but alive.

Sometimes we can be like the boiled toads. We do not notice changes. We think everything is good, or that whatever is evil will pass, it’s just a matter of time. We are about to die, but we are floating, stable and apathetic as the water warms up every minute. We are dying, fat and happy, without having noticed the changes around us. There are boiled toads who still believe that the key is obedience, not competence: might is right, and obey whoever is sensible. From all this, where is the real life? It is better to emerge from a situation, maybe a little singed from time to time, but alive and ready to act.

Personally, I still struggle with lies from the enemy. I once decided to be like the toad that stays in the water. Recently, with the help of a very close friend, I came to realize I was floating in this water of lies, and I was "happily" dying. Jesus Himself claims that whoever is set free by the Son, is in fact set free indeed:

³⁴ Jesus answered them, “Truly, truly, I say to you, everyone who practices sin is a slave^[b] to sin. ³⁵ The slave does not remain in the house forever; the son remains forever. ³⁶ So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed. - John 8:34-36 ESV

I am no longer floating in the water of lies and deceits. I am alive, I am loved, I am SET FREE.

Sacrifice & Sin

The Fall of Sin?

There's this mindset I've noticed sweeping across the nation where the idea of sacrifice is no longer needed in following Christ. This same idea roots from the idea that there's no such thing as sin anymore. Don't get me wrong, I love the idea of a sinless world, and one day, in New Jerusalem, we will all get to experience complete freedom of worldly and sinful desires.

It hit me pretty hard when I heard of this 'idea' of when you accept Christ you sin no more. The very first thought that popped into my head was, 'then way in the hell do I still lust after the desires of this world?'. After studying scripture I've come to the conclusion that this 'theology' is very much false, and that we need to guard our hearts when the enemy tries to plant ideas like this in our spirit.

In Paul's writings to the church in Roman, he must of sensed the same ideas were afloat, at least this is what I get from it, because in Romans 7 he writes:

¹ Do you not know, brothers and sisters—for I am speaking to those who know the law—that the law has authority over someone only as long as that person lives? ² For example, by law a married woman is bound to her husband as long as he is alive, but if her husband dies, she is released from the law that binds her to him. ³ So then, if she has sexual relations with another man while her husband is still alive, she is called an adulteress. But if her husband dies, she is released from that law and is not an adulteress if she marries another man. ⁴ So, my brothers and sisters, you also died to the law through the body of Christ, that you might belong to another, to him who was raised from the dead, in order that we might bear fruit for God. ⁵ For when we were in the realm of the flesh, the sinful passions aroused by the law were at work in us, so that we bore fruit for death. ⁶ But now, by dying to what once bound us, we have been released from the law so that we serve in the new way of the Spirit, and not in the old way of the written code.

The Law and Sin
⁷ What shall we say, then? Is the law sinful? Certainly not! Nevertheless, I would not have known what sin was had it not been for the law. For I would not have known what coveting really was if the law had not said, “You shall not covet." ⁸ But sin, seizing the opportunity afforded by the commandment, produced in me every kind of coveting. For apart from the law, sin was dead. ⁹ Once I was alive apart from the law; but when the commandment came, sin sprang to life and I died. ¹⁰ I found that the very commandment that was intended to bring life actually brought death. ¹¹ For sin, seizing the opportunity afforded by the commandment, deceived me, and through the commandment put me to death. ¹² So then, the law is holy, and the commandment is holy, righteous and good.
¹³ Did that which is good, then, become death to me? By no means! Nevertheless, in order that sin might be recognized as sin, it used what is good to bring about my death, so that through the commandment sin might become utterly sinful.

¹⁴ We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. ¹⁵ I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. ¹⁶ And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. ¹⁷ As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. ¹⁸ For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. ¹⁹ For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. ²⁰ Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.

²¹ So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. ²² For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; ²³ but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. ²⁴ What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? ²⁵ Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!

So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God’s law, but in my sinful nature a slave to the law of sin.

Clearly, we read Paul stating in verses 15-20 how he struggles (not struggled) with sin. How he does what he doesn't want to do, and that it's the sin dwelling within him that is controlling these actions. He even states in verse 25 that "So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God’s law, but in my sinful nature a slave to the law of sin." He acknowledges the reality that sin is still present in him.

Fortunately, that's not the end. In chapter 8 Paul further writes that when we accept Christ we are "free from the law of sin and death. For what the law was powerless to do because it was weakened by the flesh, God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh to be a sin offering. And so he condemned sin in the flesh, in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fully met in us, who do not live according to the flesh but according to the Spirit." This is where people can get confused if they just read these verses. Out of context, one would think by reading this that sin is no longer present. But if you read further you see that Paul states we still have our weaknesses and sinful desires. Romans 8:18-27 reads:

¹⁸ I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. ¹⁹ For the creation waits in eager expectation for the children of God to be revealed. ²⁰ For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope ²¹ that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the freedom and glory of the children of God.
²² We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. ²³ Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption to sonship, the redemption of our bodies. ²⁴ For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what they already have? ²⁵ But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently. ²⁶ In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. ²⁷ And He who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God.

Why does Jesus need to intercede for us? If we're sinless, why are we suffering? Why does Paul say we wait for the redemption of our bodies? If we're sinless, why does the Spirit need to help us in our weakness?

Paul was very clear that when Christ is invited we are created new, but at the same time, we still have this sinful flesh we battle with. Paul later writes in his letter to the Hebrews, Chapter 12 verses 4-11, that we do struggle against sin. He even admits that God rebukes us:

⁴ In your struggle against sin, you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. ⁵ And have you completely forgotten this word of encouragement that addresses you as a father addresses his son? It says, “My son, do not make light of the Lord’s discipline, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you, ⁶ because the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and he chastens everyone he accepts as his son.” ⁷ Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as his children. For what children are not disciplined by their father? ⁸ If you are not disciplined—and everyone undergoes discipline—then you are not legitimate, not true sons and daughters at all. ⁹ Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of spirits and live! ¹⁰ They disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, in order that we may share in his holiness. ¹¹ No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.

I end with this. When we let the enemy plant thoughts like we don't sin anymore, we tend to forget what Christ did for us on that tree. Jesus was the ultimate sacrifice, but He still calls us to “…If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross daily, and follow me.” Luke 9:23. We have to turn from our selfish desires, our sinful flesh, DAILY, and run to Him. Blessings.

Total Control

These past couple of weeks I've been feeling different. It's hard to describe, but the best I can come up with is numb. Spiritually, I've been growing, not as much as usual, but still growing. Everything else, no motivation. I haven't worked out, Saturday I barely wanted to rock climb, I've been completely unsocial, and work is just boring.

After some heavy praying, I've come up with 2 conclusions to this numbness. Number one, I'm angry. Angry that I hear all of these missionaries just going, and being able to experience the desires of their hearts as missionaries. No, I'm not angry at them, I'm angry at God because He keeps telling me "Not yet". I'm bitter, and I don't know how to give that up. My heart-cry is Taiwan, and I feel so numb in Bakersfield.

Number two, I'm not letting God control every area of my life. I've given control to Him over my finances, my job, and my worldly possesses. But I can't seem to give up control of my time. I haven't been spending the amount of time with God as I use to. I'm not managing my time right. I've been sleeping more, but I'm even more tired. My soul is restless, because it wants time with Abba, and I'm not doing it.

Pray God reignites my passion for His presence, and I stand firm wherever He has placed me, even though it's not where I particularly want to be...

Speaking This Sunday

This is going to be very brief. I'm speaking this Sunday, October 16, 2011, at Life Journey Church. I'll be speaking from James 1:19-27. It's going to be great. Come to hear God's word :)

Being The Church, Or Playing Church?

I came across this blog from a friend on Google Plus. When I first started reading it, I got a little angry. This woman was talking about how she wished her husband never started Courageous Church in Atlanta. The further I read, the further my heart sank. The further I recognized what the author was talking about. The further I understood that the 'church' today is so mainstream that if we changed it people would stop coming. Sad....But TRUE. Here is the blog post from Rai King. Read with an open heart, and knowledge of the Word...


....Leaving Courageous Church

The Nazirite (נזיר) Call

Recently (well, more like the past few days) I've been getting the drive to do more with my walk with God. I feel this urge to stand up and proclaim Him. Not just with words or actions, but by example. For some reason I purchased Lou Engle's "The Call of the Nazirite" DVD from The Call's Website last week. I got it in the mail yesterday. I watched it, and MAN, God was reaching out to me.

So, I've decided to pray that if it's God's will for me I will take the vow of the Nazirite, נזיר. It's a huge vow, one that requires a lot (Numbers 6). John the Baptist was a Nazarite, and many people believe that Jesus took the vow during the 'last supper' and right before he was betrayed.

While they were eating, Jesus took bread, and when he had given thanks, he broke it and gave it to his disciples, saying, “Take it; this is my body.” Then he took a cup, and when he had given thanks, he gave it to them, and they all drank from it. “This is my blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many,” he said to them. “Truly I tell you, I will not drink again from the fruit of the vine until that day when I drink it new in the kingdom of God.”

- Mark 14:22-25                   

I want more out of my walk. I doubt I'm called to take the vow as a lifer, like John the Baptist, but I'm still praying about when, how long, and if I'm even suppose to take the vow at all. Keep me in your prayers. For this is going to be radical, crazy, and AMAZING....

Happily Ever After

We all have this dream of "happily ever after". A dream where, in the end, our dreams come true, and everything we wanted comes our way. I use to have this dream. A dream of finding the girl, the perfect job, a house, a nice fancy car, and a savings account jealous of any man. Then I met God. He literally destroyed my life. He showed me what He really sought after in life.

These days, I work for one of the biggest oil companies in the world, Chevron, as an IT specialist. Sure, the title sounds fancy, and the money is nice, but I'm not where HE designed me to be in the long haul. I look at my life and I wonder. My passion is missions in Asia, where the orphan scene thrives. And here I am, working for a multi-trillion dollar organization as one of their thousands of IT people. Where I am? Honestly, I'm not lost. I'm right where HE wants me. I'm paying off my student loans, and He's preparing me for that life as a missionary. I'm not passionate about my job. Heck, I hate Mondays, but I thank Him for these days. The days of preparation. I will be prepared for my mission in life....will you? Will you?????

Times of Struggle = Times of Trust

Well, the past few weeks have been a struggle for me. Not only spiritually, but financially and everything in between. Driving back from Seqouia Sunday night I was talking with God and I realized some things. I hate my job, Bakersfield, and my passions are not being fulfilled. I was driving away from something I loved, the outdoors with camping, hiking & flyfishing, and driving towards a life I sometimes feel is meaningless right now. I realized I was frustrated with life, and not being where I wanted to be. I started telling Abba about how it wasn't fair that all of my missionary friends were in the mission fields, and I'm 'stuck' in a town I can't stand.

I remember exactly what I said to God.

Why do I have to be in this stupid town, in this stupid preparation time that is lasting years, while all of my friend's prep times were short, and they were exactly where they wanted to be?

God was silent for only a second. He then started putting men of the bible in my thoughts that had to wait YEARS before they even started their ministry. David had to wait at least 13 years from the time he was told he was going to be Israel's king as a young man until he was crowded. Moses was 80 when he started his mission of leading the Israelites out of Egypt. Even Jesus waited until he was 30 before he started his ministry. God reminded me that with a great calling, there's a great preparation time.

When I got home Sunday the brakes on the Limiero's car were squeaking, and the MP3 tape device got stuck in the tape player. I took the player apart and removed the tape, but the tape function doesn't work any more. Yesterday I lost my personal keys at work. I couldn't remember where I had them last. I had traveled all over San Joaquin valley for work. I ended up traveling back to Midway and Kern River, but still couldn't find them. On my drive back from Midway at 9pm I got so angry with myself. My past was full of drug and alcohol use, and my memory suffered from it. I tend to forget the small things, nothing important.

I hated myself so much for losing my keys and not being able to remember the last time I had them. It's quite frustrating indeed. I've been praying for years for God to restore my memory, but it hasn't happened yet. I forced myself to abandon that hatred last night and I just let it go to God. Peace fell over, and I just stopped stressing over my keys. Jonathan is out of time, and therefore I had no way into my apartment, and I had to leave the Limiero's car in the Chevron HQ parking lot. I drove my work vehicle home, and was able to get a hold of my landlord and she gave me a spare key to get into the apartment. This morning I emailed a person at Midway to see if they found my keys, and sure enough, she had them on her desk.

The chapter I'm in right now has been a struggle on many battle fronts. I've learned that if I just TRUST God I will never fall. Pslams 37 is a good reminder of how the righteous will never be forgotten by God. He's teaching me trust, and I'm hardheaded, so this may take some time :P

In Moderation

Recently, I've been spending a lot of time on Facebook, and not even realizing it. I had the social networking app on my phone, with text messages coming to my phone whenever close friends posted anything on Facebook. I had it bookmarked on my Mac, and my Firefox history was screaming Facebook all over it. I was even spending time on it at work!

Today, God confronted me about this social media addiction. Sure, Facebook, like most other things is great in moderation, but I was straight up addicted. I had to walk away, at least for some time. So, as of today, I deleted my Facebook account. It may sound silly, but it's going to be tough for the first few weeks to not wake up and check Facebook on my mobile first thing. I'm giving it at try, and hopefully this will motivate me to spend more time with my Father, and less time commenting on a post about what my friend ate for lunch.

Don't worry, friends & family. I'm not going through some weird depression of acceptance or anything like that. I'm doing good, and I want to be great by spending more time with God, my Abba. First was getting rid of cable TV. Now, its my addiction to Facebook. Pray I stay strong :)

Blessings...

For Those Looking For My Message

If you're having difficulty downloading the message I did at Life Journey Christian Church, go to my MediaFire link by clicking on the button below. Sorry for the issue. It's a 90MB file, so be a little patient when downloading it :) Blessings. FYI...This is the raw version. This means that there is no editing of the audio. Sorry if it gets too loud, quite, or other issues with it.

Mission of Mine

My church, Life Journey Christian Church, just finished a series called "Mission of Mine". The whole series focused not only on the missionaries/organizations that LJCC sponsors, but also on how the church family in a whole is in their own missionary mission. Halfway through the series, I was approached by my pastor, David Limiero, to see if I was willing to teach.

At first, honestly, I was shocked. I never thought I would be asked to speak at my own church. I told David I would pray about it. Maybe a few minutes later I told David "Yes". I spoke about my testimony, my missionary works, and the vision for my missionary future. I spoke at both services on 6/26/2011 at 8:30am & 10:30am. I've spoken at countless churches, mostly in India and Taiwan. This was first time I was completely exhausted afterwards.

Below is the iTunes link to my church's podcast. There, you can download our weekly services for FREE. If you'd like to download my podcast, the title is "Mission Of Mine: Chris Joy", and the date is 6/25/11.

New Chapter Ahead

For the past year it has felt like I've been in a constant single chapter of my life. In many ways it has. Usually, at least for me, chapters didn't last more than a few months. Spending time in Sequoia this past weekend, in the presence of God's beauty, I found out a few things about the next upcoming chapter of this book I call life.

First, God is pulling some major junk out I had somehow pushed deep into the back of my heart. I got reminded that I still struggle with acceptance. I have this very real fear of never getting married, simply because I have let the enemy implant the thought of unworthiness in my mind. Because of my past, I really struggle with the idea of being a father and husband. I got the opportunity to spend time with my pastor and his wife about this fear, and really brought clarity to my eyes. Thanks guys.

Second, I really want to spend more time in nature. Whether it be rock climbing, camping, hiking, kayaking, or snowboarding. Because I've been working out some much these past few months, I have more stamina, and I can now do things I never thought I could before.

Finally, I need to learn more discipline in my walk with Christ. I tend to focus more on the struggles/stress of the day, rather than giving it all the God. I'm far better at controlling my stress and emotions than ever before, but I still need to work on it. Fortunately, I have great friends, and an amazing church to help. They not only show me where I need growth, but they always show love through it all. Definitely blessed.

Theresa Dehnert: Mom, Hero, Forgiven

Like everyone in this world, old, young, Asian, European, American, African, etc, I have a hero. But what many may not know is that hero of mine is my mother. Strange, maybe. Impossible, absolutely not. You see, my mom always wanted the best for me. She knew where I would end up if she wouldn't have given me up for adoption. She could see my future. Deep down she knew I would grow up to be the man I am today. God fearing, passionate, loving, and crazy for Christ. That is why she is my hero.

My mom had to fight for her life, because she herself was an orphan. She grew up in a good home, but always seemed to be the black sheep of the family, and therefore she was rebellious. She wanted to be loved. Even though she grew up Catholic, she never experienced God's love, because religion was masking Him.

Around the time I came to Christ, when I was at the bottom of my well, I needed to forgive my mother, or I would of never known what true forgiveness was. It was tough. I hated her for leaving me, and for all the junk she made me go through. But I eventually learned to forgive her. Not only did I forgive her, but I forgot all the negative things. It was hard for her to forgive herself for giving me up, but through God's wisdom, love, and mercy, she learned.

I still remember that summer night back in 2005, sitting in my car in a movie theater parking lot, friends waiting for me inside. I decided to call my mom, and see how she was doing. The second she picked up the phone, the Holy Spirit swept over me and told me to pray for her. I asked her if she was OK, and she told me about the issues she was having. I don't quite remember what else we talked about, but I do remember telling her for the first time in several years that I loved her. I told her that I forgave her for everything, and I meant it. That night she came to Christ, led by the least likely of people, me.

She still struggles with many things, like us all. And I'm sure she still thinks about that time she promised to be right back and didn't return. But now she knows that God's love destroys the sins of our past, and that I do love her with all of my heart. She fights for our Father is heaven and loves her children & grandchildren with all her heart....

....and that is why she is my hero. I love you mom.

Hands - Give Me Rest

It's been a while since I posted on my blog. Mostly for being busy and/or lazy. Not too often do we Christians that love Metal\Hardcore\Screamo get blessed by a band with pure raw talent with their instruments, vocals, and lyrics. Hands has stepped it up, and brought the Spirit of God on all 3 levels. Here are the lyrics for their newest album "Give Me Rest", which was just released yesterday, July 5, 2011. Enjoy, I know I did :)


Hands - Give Me Rest (Lyrics)

1. I Will
2. Water
3. Cube
4. The Helix
5. Here I Am
6. Jovian
7. Northern Lights
8. 2005
9. Restart
10. Give Me Rest


1.) I Will

Can you feel the anger in my heart? I can't believe this is me. I built my house on shaking ground, and lit a match to watch it burn. Set me free. Rest my soul in you alone. Rise, from the quiet I will rise. Take my hand. Give me the faith to move mountains. Give me the strength to rebuild. Help me become a better man. Help me to understand your will. Let it rain. To remind me that there is something more.


2.) Water

Forgive me for falling out, it's just not the way I see you. Take me to the water. Let there be light! To reveal everything we've become. Take me to the water. I'm losing my faith at the hands of the dynasty. Take me to the water. I just want something real. From the shore, with the sea to my back. I can see a wasteland of blasphemy. Spoiled fruit, reaped from crooked trees. God, are these your seeds? Are these your branches? I'm so disgusted with all of this. I want to recover. Be still my brother. Be still so we may hear His voice. Let there be light. Take me to the water.


3.) Cube

Shut down everything inside that makes it work. All the wires to it's soul, and all the lights that make it glow. Kill the system. I don't want it anymore. Drag me through the fire. It helps keep me awake. The bulbs are blinking, the statics piercing. But it's hard to look away. Let's hit the ground. God damn this place. It's taken everything. Shut it down. Send your best to guard my soul. They will never sleep. They will never leave me alone. Somebody throw the switch, shut it down.


4.) The Helix

I am not alone. Would you clear the dust from my eyes? Would you recognize my voice if I would talk to you? Oh, I feel so tired. So wake me up. I believe your hands hold the sun. But in the deepest of my mind, I question everything you've done. Give me rest. I believe your breath fills my lungs. But it's a thought that's hard to swallow, I feel ashamed I can't hold on. Give me rest. I will take your hand. Just lead me through the dark. I will take your hand. Don't ever let me go. "Be still and know that I am God."


5.) Here I Am

On my knees in the wreckage of a broken church. I couldn't pull it together. How I want to believe that there's a light, at the end of this continuous shadow. And as the feeling disappears, here I am. Are you here? Wake up my son. Wake up my son. Why are you so afraid? Oh God, I'm begging you now! Open up my eyes!


6.) Jovian

Welcome. Light. Come into the light and meet the world. You are beautiful, open your eyes. Open up your eyes to see me here. I will show you the way. I will always be here. In your every hour, in your heart I'll stay. Take rest at the sound of my voice, I'm forever changed. Welcome. Breathe in the breath of life. I've embraced you. In my arms you'll never be alone. I've embraced you. Everything that I am, I give to you. You are all I wanted. You are all I need.


7.) Northern Lights

I found you. And you found me. You gave me a new song. You gave me something to sing. What a beautiful song. You gave me a reason, you gave me something to sing.


8. 2005

Burn this body down. To the ash and the dust, from which it came. I curse within my heart, but sing a holy song. I am a wolf among the sheep. I am calling out your name. I am broken at your feet. Release. Release me. I am bound by the chains of temptation. I am bound by the demons, staring back. Let your mercy rain upon us. Take hold of my soul and put this body in the earth. By your blood I am alive. By your grace I am released.


9.) Restart

I can feel my heart giving in to the weight of your design. And like a remedy your fixing me, while the world has left me blind. I sang for you, and meant what I said. But it's still hard to believe. I was burning my wick at both ends, but no light could be seen. I get frustrated. But I just need to let go. Lift me up (into your arms) and weigh me down. Reach straight into my heart. I've been holding on so long, but I just need to let go.I carried torches from east to west, and watched the flames burn themselves out. Fighting every battle, never trusting that you were on my side. I will fall into your arms and cry, you are God! Lift us up and hear our cry, you are God!


10.) Give Me Rest

Here I sit among the clouds. With nothing but the empty sound. I have seen the light of day. I have seen the water wash the blood away. Is my name in there?Send a smile to my daughter. Tell her everything is fine. And give my wisdom to my brother. Tell him to use it right. And to everyone I've wronged, the thought has never left my mind. You are the end and I am fading. Will I rest with you for all of time? Is my name in there?Give me rest. Tell my wife I adore her. That she is beautiful and kind. Here I sit among the clouds. I was wrong and You were right. Give me rest.

I'm Sorry I'm A Christian

Outside of the two F bombs that he dropped. What are your thoughts? This hit me hard about how the world views me, and how I truly walk this walk as a christian. He says it all to break these stereotypical thoughts of christians, and sadly, true motives/lives/actions of christians today. Do you fit the bill of a characteristic he said...do you?

In Search of Homeless

These past couple of weeks have definitely been something of interest in my life. I've been doing a lot of volunteer work over at my church's, Healing Place Church, inner-city campus/outreach building, Baton Rouge Dream Center. Even though there hasn't been a set standard on a certain type of area I've been serving in, I've found myself really hitting ground with homeless outreach. The passion I've always had towards serving people has found a place to serve a true purpose in people that seem to be hurting so much. I decided 3 weeks back to volunteer my time helping Charity Trahan, the main person that does all homeless outreaches in Baton Rouge.

Because of the holidays, and a limit list of volunteers, Charity was planning on shutting down our homeless hot-line number for the two weeks she was taking off for a WELL DESERVED vacation on her part. I decided to step up and man the hot-line personally, 24/7, and can I say, it's been one blessing after another. I'm not saying it's been facile. Getting a call in the middle of the night from a woman who just got out of the hospital looking for help because she has nothing to feed her 5 children is heartbreaking. Recently, the 'wonderful' Obama campaign has decided to decrease the funding on homeless housing, and I've been hit hard by the reality of Louisiana being the #1 state in the nation for homeless/runaway youth. Oh the pain of getting a call from a mother of 3 saying she just got evicted for not being able to pay the bills because of the economy, and having to tell her all the shelters are brimming...

Since I decided to dive headfirst into the campaign I've seen little light on the horizon for getting these people off the street, a warm meal put in their bellies, and see hope in their disconsolate and fatigued eyes. But under the surface God is definitely working everything out. The past 8 or so months the North Blvd overpass in downtown Baton Rouge has turned into a haven for a measurable amount of homeless people. My church's outreach group, NoPlace Outreach, has been working hard with these people for several years, and about a month ago news hit several other organizations about the living conditions of these beautiful people. Then God sent a man, Donald Mallet, to the overpass to bring the Word and order. Food, winter clothes, blankets, toiletries, mattresses, etc., started coming in bountifully, especially from a Godly woman by the name of Alice Lewis. Then, almost out of nowhere, a man by the name of Kody M. Higginbotham, MBA, with Sacred Hope Foundation, Inc. brought a vision and hope for these people. He opened up a new shelter, Sacred Hope 24/7 Shelter.

During these past 2 weeks since that shelter opened, I've seen people come and people go. There's structure, rules, regulations, and a real Godly foundation there. I've had the distinction of getting calls on the hot-line number, and actually being able to tell the people I know a shelter that's NOT hanging the notorious "No Vacancy" sign. Sunday night I get a call from 2 homeless men looking for a warm place to stay. I was able to tell them I had somewhere for them to lay their head, get a shower, a fresh pair of clothes, and a hot meal. So, I called up Mark McLaughlin, my marvelous roommate, and headed out to College and Corporate to pick up these men. Mark and I brought these guys to the shelter, and in an instant, their eyes lit up. Remember me mentioning Donald Mallet earlier? Well, he's running this shelter! He didn't have any more hot food from dinner, so he asked Mark and me to drive him to another person's house I mentioned earlier, Alice Lewis, on South Washington in downtown Baton Rouge.

She welcomed us into her prepossessing home with a big smile and a warm hug. Instantly I could tell she had the Spirit dwelling within her and her home. She had made a giant pot of chicken and corn stew, and another large pot of hot rice. She walked Mark and me around, sharing her desire to help people, tell us about the 2 books she has written, By Hands of Strangers and Go Ask Alice, and show off the beautiful children she rescued from horrid living conditions. She told us about these 2 sisters she adopted, Alisha & Kiara Lewis. These girls, when they were every young, had to endure things I never thought possible. Their biological mother had left her husband for another woman. This new 'girlfriend' made her tie up her 2 daughters under their trailer with threats of leaving her if she didn't. These 2 girls lived under the trailer for several months, and because there was no human interaction, they didn't learn how to speak, had no teeth, and very little hair. They were finally found by a social worker and put into the system. Ms. Alice heard their story and instantly adopted them. The girls are now ages 14 and 15, absolutely beautiful, and highly intelligent. One attends high school and Baton Rouge Community College, and they other also attends high school and LSU. Ms. Lewis has a total of 9 adopted children, all of which are successful or learning to become successful. We left her house, hot food in our arms, and a peace and hope to bring to the shelter.

We all have our stories, I for one was once homeless as well. I know the desolation of not knowing where the next meal was going to come from. I know the eyes of people around me silently judging me. It grieves me to see other people go through it. I'm following my calling to serve the people. If you would like to help Charity Trahan and her outreach, or just want to befriend some beautiful homeless people and visit Sacred Hope Shelter, or Ms. Alice Lewis, please contact me. We always need help, from volunteer work, to food, clothing, and air mattresses for Sacred Hope Shelter. Or if you know ANYONE that's homeless, young or old, PLEASE CONTACT our hot-line number at 225-505-5416...

MyStory Part 3 (Written By Carole Turner)

In 2005 he started drinking heavy. He tried attending church at the invitation of his neighbors but he still felt alone. He went to church service weekly for six months and no one ever talked to him. He felt invisible. So he stopped going and started drinking heavy again.

On his birthday, Christmas Eve 2005, he was drinking and driving and passed out while on the highway. He woke up in a ditch, drunk, hurt and police preparing to take him to jail. While sitting at the police station on Christmas Eve, waiting to be booked and processed, Chris broke down. Why was he always ending up back here? How did things get so messed up again? Why couldn’t he stay away from drugs and alcohol? In his tears and cries for help, he heard God speak to him about his life. God met him there, comforted him and spoke peace, mercy and forgiveness into his heart. Chris spent Christmas and New Years in jail, all together 10 days. After he was released he immediately went into detox and from there moved into Fellowship Ministries Church, in Hammond, Louisiana, which was a home for addicts trying to break free from their addictions. Over the three months he was there, God did a work in his heart. He helped him deal with all his pain, his addictions and showed him his future working with Orphans and reaching the nations. Finally Chris knew he had been delivered and set free from his addictions.

After he left Fellowship Ministries he went back to Baton Rouge but he had no place to live. He went to a Thursday night meeting for college and young professionals, Late Nite, at the church he had attended in Baton Rouge before going to jail, Healing Place Church. At the end of the service, he went to the alter to be prayed for and the man who prayed with him at the alter, Chris McDonald, also helped him find a place to live that night. He soon got a great job, met a beautiful girl and started dating her, made new friends, enrolled in ministry school and really felt like life had taken a strong turn in the right direction. But the relationship ended and it broke Chris’ heart. He again sought to blame someone, this time it was the church and God. But Chris knew that following this train of thought would only lead to more hurt and pain so he sought out a mentor. He started spending time with the McNabb family who helped him through this difficult time. He also started getting professional counseling again and God saw him through this painful break up.

In 2007 he knew it was time to contact his biological mother. He had to tell her that he forgave her. He knew that THIS was part of his healing. When he finally found her he discovered that she was addicted to prescription drugs. The life she had left him for, all the work, had taken its toll on her and now she was seeking comfort in pain killers. Chris told his mother that he forgave her for everything. He even thanked his mother for putting him up for adoption. He told her that if she hadn’t he would not have come to know Christ. Everything from being adopted by Wayne and Sarah, who introduced him to Christ, to being friends with Nathan who showed him there was life in Christ, to being roommates with Paul who helped him grow in Christ. All of it was working together for the good and he wanted her to know that.

From the forgiveness Chris showed his mother came a well of emotions and healing for both mother and son. Chris told his mother how Jesus had changed his life and she saw it by the action of forgiveness and grace that Chris extended to her. One night while Chris and his mother were talking on the phone, Chris led his mother to the Lord and they prayed together. She was the first person he had ever led to Jesus. Now they talk regularly, study the bible together and pray together.

The seeds of love that David and Lisa planted in Chris’ life when he was 12 showed him that family was possible. The friendships of Nathan and Paul gave him a safe place to fall and be himself, and the family and stability given to him by Wayne and Sarah grew into true heart knowledge that God the Father loved him. Chris now knew that no matter how many times he fell, God would be there with grace, mercy and love to pick him up. He saw the miracle of forgiveness and mercy in the relationship with his mother and everyday he was seeing more and more that our wonderful heavenly Father has adopted all of us into his family.

Chris is now 27 years old, and he is still very much a work in progress, like we all are. God has given Chris a wonderful story of victory over adversity, beauty from pain and strength from brokenness. Chris’ story shows the wonderful healing forgiveness and mercy can bring. It also shows how adoption can change a child’s life, no matter what age they are adopted; it is never too late to make a lasting impact on a child.
Chris has been on both short and long term mission trips to The Dominican Republic, Taiwan, Hong Kong, India and Japan. He is currently serving at the Baton Rouge Dream Center, which is an inner-city outreach of Healing Place Church. He still has a strong call to the mission field, particularly Asia.

If you would like to support Chris, check out his web site, http://www.chrisnickjoy.com

Carole Turner
http://Thewardrobeandthewhitetree.com
carolesturner@yahoo.com

MyStory Part 2 (Written By Carole Turner)

Wayne and Sarah had never been able to have children. They had a big farm, a great life but longed to have a family. Their faith in God and their belief that God calls Christians to care for Orphans led them to seek a child through the foster care system. That is where they found Chris. They started foster parenting him and before long they officially adopted him.

Before coming to live with Wayne and Sarah, Chris had very little knowledge of the love of God. His biological family had been strict Catholics but there was no relationship with Jesus in the practice of their religion. It was all about rituals, rules and regulations at their church in particular. Now that he was with his new parents, he began to understand what it meant to be loved by his father in Heaven. He started attending the Baptist church with them, where he was told about having a relationship with Jesus. He also met Nathan at church. Nathan was the son of the lead pastor of the Baptist Church on the Indian reservation. Nathan and Chris became fast friends. They did everything together. They both loved to play football, go biking, run, go wakeboarding and camping. Nathan loved God and Chris saw the light of Jesus in him. Nathan was positive peer pressure for Chris and now Chris was happy. He had a great new family and a best friend. Life was good.

But sadly for Chris, Nathan’s father was transferred to another church and Nathan had to move away. Chris was devastated again. He had lost that special friend that didn’t think he was weird, liked all the same things, loved God and completely loved and accepted Chris. With out Nathan by his side at school, Chris felt lost and confused. He wanted another best friend but all he found were the “bad” kids at school. He soon started smoking pot and getting into trouble and life quickly went down hill.

By the time Chris was 18 he had quit high school, moved out of his new parents house and in with his biological cousin. Living with his drug addicted cousin and friends only worsened Chris’s spiral out of control. He started doing heavy drugs, stealing cars and selling them to chop shops, breaking and entering and all kinds of illegal activity. Life was bad and was getting worse, now he also had people wanting to kill him for bad deals he had made.

The car stealing finally caught up with him and he was arrested and spent two months in jail. His aunt bailed him out and he decided he was going to get his life straight. Jail had scared him. His aunt helped him graduate from High School with honors, and enrolled him in Community College and quickly had a 4.0 grade point average. By some miracle of God, his car theft charges were dropped and he was accepted into Old Dominion University. Things were looking up again for Chris. He finished his first year of college with a 3.8 GPA.

But the call of the wild was too strong to resist for long and soon Chris was back smoking pot and hanging out with Surfers who had no interest in school. Chris’s GPA dropped to a 1.2 and he found himself on probation. Then his girlfriend broke up with him for his roommate so now he was without a girlfriend and a roommate. Then he met Paul. Paul was a cool surfer dude. He was also a Jesus follower. He was hyper, outgoing, fun and very involved in the college Christian group, Varsity. And he was now Chris’ roommate. He invited Chris to a Varsity church service and Chris committed his life to God there. He had seen in Paul a real picture of Jesus. Paul didn’t preach at Chris, he befriended Chris. They would talk about Jesus, about their lives and struggles. Over time Chris started to see that he had blamed God for all the bad that had happened to him. He realized he had to completely surrender his live to Jesus and follow Him with his entire heart. In the fall of 2003 this all came to a head one night, Chris broke down and cried out to the lord. He let go of all of it, placed it at the feet of Jesus and before long he felt the call to the mission field on his life and went on a short term mission’s trip to China. Chris felt he had found his calling in life.

When Chris returned from China he reconnected with his former step father. Chris decided to move to Baton Rouge Louisiana with his step father so he could help him take care of his mentally impaired younger brother. The baby brother he had loved and lost when he was a small child. But being away from a strong Christian environment caused Chris to once again lose faith.

MyStory Part 1 (Written By Carole Turner)

Chris was only twelve years old when he tried to kill himself by cutting his wrists. Life was just too heavy a load to carry. His single mother worked all the time, she had three jobs. She was never at home, but his older, mentally impaired sister needed to be cared for so that job fell on Chris. There was no father; he had left when Chris was a baby. There had briefly been a violent step father for a couple years when Chris was younger, but one day he abruptly left and took Chris’s baby brother. So now Chris was left to take care of the house and his sister while his mother worked all day and all night. Chris also worked hard making good grades. There was no going outside to play, not in the neighborhood they lived in, and there was only work inside or sitting in front of the TV. When you are a child that has already had a life time of responsibilities and you are neglected by your only parent, it just becomes too much to bare and that is why at age 12, death looked better to Chris then living this life.

After his suicide attempt he was sent to a mental facility and in Chris’s mind, it was actually pretty decent there. Finally he was getting some nice, calm, positive attention, what he had always hungered for at home but never got. While at the mental hospital he started feeling better about living. The medication they gave him helped too.

After Chris came home his mom went to counseling, stayed home more with Chris and his sister and even enrolled Chris in the Big Brother program. But it was all short lived. She quickly went back to working three jobs, the “Big brother” quit and Chris went back to being stuck in side watching TV, cleaning, doing homework and being the care giver to his sister and his mom. In his heart he was bursting with frustration and a need for positive attention. He would settle for any attention and any outlet for his pain. So at thirteen he started doing drugs, drinking and fighting.

An appointment was set for Chris and his mother with a state appointed Social worker. When they arrived at the appointment, Chris sat down in the counselor’s office, his mother said she needed to go to the restroom and would be right back. She walked out of the office and never returned. The counselor eventually called her and she told him she could not parent Chris anymore. She wanted the state to take him. She gave Chris up for adoption that day. He was 13 years old.

Chris immediately went into foster care and was placed in the home of a wonderful couple, David and Lisa. They had no other children and to them, Chris was a dream come true. He was finally getting positive attention. He was receiving regular counseling, His grades were great, He played sports and David was at every practice and game. Chris finally felt like he was in a real family and he was flourishing.

Sadly this dream was not to last. After only 10 months with David and Lisa the state informed them that Chris’s biological father wanted Chris to come live with him so they were sending him to his father in Florida. Chris was devastated. So were David and Lisa. Chris had wanted to stay with David and Lisa forever. He loved them, they loved him but now he was being forced to go live with a father who was a stranger. On arrival in Florida, Chris discovered that his father was an alcoholic. He immediately started running away, stealing, and doing anything he could to get away from this new environment. His father had no idea how to deal with this wild teenage boy of his. He placed Chris in a horrible detention center for juvenile criminals for two weeks but even that didn’t detour his behavior. After only a couple months, his father conceded and sent him back to state care in Virginia.

At this time Chris was 14 years old. He was lost in grief, loneliness, anger, depression and complete despair. But hope was on it’s way...